Growing Older Gracefully

Today was a special day: It was the Croning Ceremony and 60th Birthday Celebration of my friend, Deborah J. Ross. Pulling together traditions from pagan, Quaker, Jewish, and whatever we wanted to toss into the mix, we celebrated the life of this amazing woman, along with honoring her transition into the role of the Crone, or Wise Woman. The Croning Ceremony comes mainly from the pagan tradition that a woman's life consists of three stages: Maiden, Mother, and Crone. (Being the progressives that we are, we included Career Woman in the stage of Mother, because that counts, too!) However, most traditions seem to include some kind of reverence for the old.

It would simply be impossible for me to describe everything that went on today (and I'd like to get some sleep tonight), but I may be able to leave you with a few impressions. Understand that this was pulled together in a matter of two or three weeks by a widespread group of people with only our love of Deborah in common--many of us had never met before and were just names in emails until we met face-to-face this afternoon. Just being there and making all the pieces work was a blessing in itself.

First, never underestimate the power of positive thinking. We had planned from the beginning to hold this ceremony outside in the garden even though rain was expected. It was pouring this morning when I got up. It poured on my drive all the way up into the Santa Cruz mountains. It was gray and gloomy and threatening more rain as guests were arriving. And then, right before we began the ceremony at 3:00, the sun broke through the clouds. Granted, it was still cold outside, but we were able to hold the ceremony outside under the sky and the redwood trees.

Next a woman named Joan led us in a dance, the Labyrinth step, a simple dance step she said is rumored to have been around since the time of Theseus: three steps forward, one step back. You think dancing is hard? Try this; it's fun! It's amazing what a bunch of willing bodies can accomplish with the direction of a skilled leader. We joined hands and did the Labyrinth step as we wound through and around the altars set up in the garden for Maiden, Mother, and Crone. And as the music played we sang along:

Follow me into the center
The center of our shield
Follow me into the center
The center of our shield

I am the weaver
I am the woven one
I am the dreamer
I am the dream
I am the weaver
I am the woven one
I am the dreamer
I am the dream

The altars each had a candle and flowers and items personal and symbolic. Deborah was led on a journey to each altar where representatives of Maiden, Mother, or Crone read poetry or letters from long distance friends and gave blessings. She finished her journey at the altar of the Crone where she received a veil with painted symbols and a crown of lavender and rosemary. We blessed her hands and washed them with water and rose petals-- for her hands are a symbol of her life's work, whether raising her children, or writing, or gardening, or gaining a black belt in kung foo san soo.

The ceremony concluded with another circle dance. Again, I was struck by how easy it was to get everyone moving in unison (and with no rehearsal!). It looked wonderful and it felt wonderful. It's all very well to get out and shake your booty in some nightclub, but nothing compares to this. It just occurred to me that modern dancing, nightclub dancing, is focused on individual expression; circle dancing as we were doing today is an expression of togetherness. It is felt harmony.

So then the ceremony was concluded and we went inside and ate fabulous food, wrote in Deborah's memory book, strung beads for a blessing necklace, oohed and ahhed over her latest book The Alton Gift (I've already read the first chapter and can't wait to read the rest) and lingered and talked and talked.

I will not dread growing older if this is what lies ahead. I am looking forward to my own Croning Ceremony.