Cinequest: The Substitute

The ominous "Ulla" -- Hide your chickens... er... and your children.

This film offers nothing new as far as it premise: The "my teacher is an alien" bit has been done--and overdone--for years now. But what it does offer is a fresh dollop of humor and a superb cast. The special effects aren't bad either.

Paprika Steen is perfect as the malevolent and sadistic "Ulla," the substitute teacher who turns up when the children's regular teacher falls ill suddenly from a case of salmonella poisoning (reference to salmonella becomes a subtle ongoing joke as certain inconvenient adults fall prey to this illness). The children know something is up from the first day; however, they are unable to convince their parents of this. There is a wonderful scene in which the kids and the parents are shouting at each other from across a room, the parents trying to be the voice of reason while the kids are trying to relay the reality of their situation. A truer representation of the generation gap was never seen.

Despite the efforts of the kids to expose her, Ulla always manages to stay one step ahead. After the children witness her consuming a live chicken in her gutted and unlivable house, they convince their parents to confront her once again. But of course, by the time they arrive, her house is neat and clean and perfectly presentable. Ulla uses tears and little jokes to completely disarm them. In one hilarious moment, she comes creeping out of the kitchen, growling, with big monster gloves on her hands. After their initial fright, the parents collapse into laughter, convinced once again of their children's overactive imaginations.

Jonas Wandschneider--reminiscent of a young Elijah Wood--is brilliant as Carl, a gloomy boy still trying to come to terms with his mother's recent death. His drive to expose his teacher as an alien intensifies when she starts dating his dad. Another hilarious moment results when he confronts her over dinner when his father leaves the room. "I know you're an alien," he challenges her. "You mean, like this?" she replies. Suddenly, her face erupts into dozens of tentacles that whip out across the table to roar in his face. Moments later, when his dad returns, Ulla is calmly sipping her wine while Carl is collapsed back in his chair, catatonic with shock.

The special effects are nicely done. There is never a sense that this is a low budget production, but neither do they rely on the effects to tell the story. The best bit is the arrival of Ulla's spaceship, a round silver ball which drops through the atmosphere like the ball of a pinball machine. The arrival of the spaceship is shown almost entirely from the point of view of a chicken out in a field, the only being to witness its arrival. Space invasion from the perspective of a chicken--I can't believe that has ever been done before. (I won't tell you what happens to the chicken--I'm sure you can guess).

The premise that the alien is here to discover why humans have love and empathy (the aliens only know war and hate) is a trifle heavy-handed, but it is kept to the background and doesn't interfere with the overall humor and suspense of the film.

Perhaps the best scene of all is when the children are being loaded onto the bus for their field trip. The parents think their kids are going to Paris, but the kids all know by now that Ulla is kidnapping them to her homeworld. The kids are all wailing and crying; some have to be dragged bodily onto the bus. One boy states, matter-of-factly, to his parents, "Once you realize you have sent your son to his death, you'll be sorry. You'll realize you were entirely reponsible. I feel sorry for you. Goodbye." Then he stalks onto the bus. The parents wave and smile, bewildered, as the bus pulls away, while the kids stare forlornly out the windows, glum faces pressed up against the glass. Just puts a whole new spin on the words "field trip," doesn't it.



Director Ole Bornedal Producer Michael Obel Executive Producer Michael Obel Writer Ole Bornedal, Henrik Prip Cinematographer Dan Laustsen Editor Thomas Krag Music Marco Beltrami Cast Paprika Steen, Ulrich Thomsen, Jonas Wandschneider, Sofie Gråbøl, Sonja Richter, Olivia Stenderup Garre Country Denmark Language Danish with English subtitles Film Info 93min Genre Sci-Fi