A Heart in Search of Dreams

"My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer," the boy confides to the alchemist one night as they look up at a moonless night.


"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself," the alchemist replies. "And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."


~The Alchemist

Miracles

Rory: Why am I here?


Doctor: Because you are. The universe is big, it's vast and complicated and ridiculous, and sometimes, very rarely, impossible things just happen, and we call them miracles; and that's a theory. In nine hundred years, I haven't seen one yet, but this would do me.

~Doctor Who, "The Pandorica Opens" and "The Big Bang"

I am not done with my changes.

The Layers
~Stanley Kunitz


I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being
abides, from which I struggle
not to stray.
When I look behind,
as I am compelled to look
before I can gather strength
to proceed on my journey,
I see the milestones dwindling
toward the horizon
and the slow fires trailing
from the abandoned camp-sites,
over which scavenger angels
wheel on heavy wings.
Oh, I have made myself a tribe
out of my true affections,
and my tribe is scattered!
How shall the heart be reconciled
to its feast of losses?
In a rising wind
the manic dust of my friends,
those who fell along the way,
bitterly stings my face.
Yet I turn, I turn,
exulting somewhat,
with my will intact to go
wherever I need to go,
and every stone on the road
precious to me.
In my darkest night,
when the moon was covered
and I roamed through wreckage,
a nimbus-clouded voice
directed me:
"Live in the layers,
not on the litter."
Though I lack the art
to decipher it,
no doubt the next chapter
in my book of transformations
is already written.
I am not done with my changes.

Wandering...

"Sly"
~Massive Attack

I try to believe what I feel these days
It makes life much easier for me
It's hard to decide what is real these days
When things look so dizzy to me

I already know my children's children's faces
Voices that I've heard before
There's always more
There's always more

Wandering leaving the sea behind
To my home which everybody owns
Wandering, wandering
Where we can do what we please
Wandering

I feel like a thousand years have passed
I'm younger than I used to be
I feel like the world is my home at last
I know everyone that i meet

Somewhere in the music I can hear the bells
I heard a thousand years before
There's always more
There's always more

Wandering is this then all there is
Since I was since I began to be
Wandering, wandering
Where we can do what we please
Wandering

The labyrinth is thoroughly known.

"We have not even to risk the adventure alone for the heroes of all time have gone before us; the labyrinth is thoroughly known. We have only to follow the thread of the hero path; and where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a god; and where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves; and where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the center of our own existence; and where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world."

~Joseph Campbell

A Banksy Christmas

Maybe I am a King.

A Story That Could Be True
If you were exchanged in the cradle and
your real mother died
without ever telling the story
then no one knows your name,
and somewhere in the world
your father is lost and needs you
but you are far away.

He can never find
how true you are, how ready.
When the great wind comes
and the robberies of the rain
you stand in the corner shivering.
The people who go by—
you wonder at their calm.

They miss the whisper that runs
any day in your mind,
"Who are you really, wanderer?"—
and the answer you have to give
no matter how dark and cold
the world around you is:
"Maybe I'm a king."

~William Stafford

Tunes for Bears to Dance to...

"He could not understand that human language is like a cracked kettledrum on which we beat out tunes for bears to dance to, when what we long to do is make music that will move the stars to pity."

~Madame Bovary


BBC 7 Radio is running a dramatisation of Madame Bovary that's really good! Check it out here.

Meh. *What* Economic Meltdown?

(Borrowed from PHD Comics...)

Mmm. Bacon.

(This was borrowed from Bay of Fundie who borrowed it from somewhere else...)

The most interesting line

"A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting."


~The Doctor

Hearts have the power to soar...

"Everything visible has again been thrown into the tumultuous abyss to be melted down. The past is relinquished, the future shudders, the present lacks foundations, but the hearts, should not they have the power to soar and hover among the mighty clouds?"


~Rainier Maria Rilke, 1914

You have to find it yourself.

"Truth has never satisfied me. You can't argue with it; you can't let its bicycle tires down to teach it a lesson. All you can do with truth is swap it for other truths, like a postage stamp kept in a collection by your ex-Army uncle.

"But there is something other than truth--something deeper and richer and altogether addictive. And that something is Meaning. You can't see it. You can't buy it. You have to find it yourself."

~Oneira

Movies... I see movies...

I don't know why it took me so long to see The Seven Samurai, but yes, here I am seeing it for the first time at last. I loved it. I can see how it is named one of the most influential movies of all time. The acting, storyline, and cinematography are superb. I loved the little quiet moments and the big battles. Each character was unique. Perhaps the only thing that was missing for a Western viewer was a little bit of historical context, things that the Japanese would know as a matter of course. If this were a Western movie, we'd have more narrative about why the ronin were wandering homeless, why there were such significant class divisions, and why the women accepted their treatment as lesser citizens. But that is beside the point. The challenge and the pleasure of watching foriegn films is that you do not get these explanations; you must rely on what little personal knowledge informs you, and let the film play out, hoping that you will gather further understanding as you go. And if you don't, well, I guess that means you have some homework to do later...

Ahh, Dexter. What an enigmatic character. The show is already in its fourth season and I have barely dipped my toes in season one. There is something deeply disturbing and yet strangely satisfying about a detective who is an expert at finding serial killers because he is a serial killer himself. But a killer with a conscience; a vigilante seeking justice for the innocent. Fascinating.

Doctor Who: Carnival of Monsters

This was a good, solid tale set in the Who-universe of Doctor Number Three, Jon Pertwee. Like all good Doctor Who tales, it begins with a good story; so we can forgive the clunky special effects (which were actually quite good for their day) and the slow-paced dialogue. It's hard to step back from the high-octane adrenaline rush of the new series, but nevertheless it is a pleasure to see the Doctor save the universe no matter what incarnation he's in.

I Am Comfortably Numb...sort of.

After a trip to the dentist today, I felt a bit like Steve Dallas here. Fortunately, I managed to get through the rest of my day without any mockery or misunderstandings.

Pointed.

"It's not just the work. Somebody built the pyramids. Somebody's going to build something. Pyramids, Empire State Building--these things just don't happen. There's hard work behind it. I would like to see a building, say, the Empire State, I would like to see on one side of it a foot-wide strip from top to bottom with the name of every bricklayer, the name of every electrician, with all the names. So when a guy walked by, he could take his son and say, "See, that's me over there on the forty-fifth floor. I put the steel beam in." Picasso can point to a painting. What can I point to? A writer can point to a book. Everybody should have something to point to.

"It's the not-recognition by other people. To say a woman is just a housewife is degrading, right? Okay. Just a housewife. It's also degrading to say just a laborer. The difference is that a man goes out and maybe gets smashed."

~"Mike Lefevre, Steelworker," interview from Working by Studs Terkel


I love Studs Terkel's book. The voices are so vivid. Like this one. Here he is--Lefevre--a blue collar steelworker, and he gets it. He's a modern day philosopher for the common man. And he reads. He's not dull; he's fascinating. Read the whole interview. It's worth it.

Because it is bitter...

I was digging around in an old poetry folder to find a selection of favorite poems to present in class and I came across this little gem. I have always liked this one. It reminds me a bit of Gollum from The Lord of the Rings. It is dark, but it is a comforting sort of darkness. I feel a kind of sympathy for this creature; perhaps the pity Frodo spoke of. It... eases me. I don't feel more bitter, but less, for reading this poem. It's like, I can know the bitterness in my own heart--even taste it--and it's okay. It's okay. The Gollum-creature--that Jungian-Shadow of us all--holds our heart in his hands and consumes it, so we don't have to.



In the Desert
~Stephen Crane

In the desert
I saw a creature, naked, bestial,
Who, squatting upon the ground,
Held his heart in his hands,
And ate of it.

I said: "Is it good, friend?"
"It is bitter - bitter," he answered;
"But I like it
Because it is bitter,
And because it is my heart."

Random Things Overheard

You hear all kinds of strange things at a con--convention, that is; science fiction convention, specifically. Here are some things I learned as I casually strolled about the con last weekend...


6+2+1=42
The survival rule. Six hours of sleep; two meals; and one shower = the Answer to keeping your con experience happy and healthy. People around you will appreciate you more, too.


The 501st
Members of the 501st are *not* a bunch of nobodies that never left their mom's basement. Contrariwise, they are a group of amazing men and women who donate a considerable amount of time to doing charitable works. And they have fun to boot! Here they are at the 2007 Rose Bowl Parade. (How did I miss this?)


Poly Speed Dating
Yeah, you read that right. As if regular speed dating wasn't strange enough. As social phenomenon go, I thought speed dating was an oddity in the dating kingdom. But I guess if you are already in a relationship, poly speed dating adds twice, thrice, heck, even 10 times the fun! For those non-decision types, it takes the anxiety out of having to pick just one. Can't decide? What the hell-- bring home the lot! ( I may just have to investigate this... ).


The Rule of More
Whatever you are feeling right now in this moment, don't try to deny it, or escape it, or suppress it. Feel it. Feel it now and feel it more.


The Two Most Valuable Commodities: Time and Information
Time: Because once it's gone, you can't buy back a single moment.
Information: Because it's not what you know, but what you *think* you know that's going to get you.


And finally...


Always, Always Check the Angles
That nice young waiter you met at the bar may be just that, or...
He *might* be a spy hired by the government, or your ex-boyfriend, or the RIAA to see what you've *really* been up to.
Just a little healthy paranoia. Hey, it could happen...

Iceland Calling

I am in love with Iceland.


I fell in love with Iceland even before my trip in 2007, before I stepped off the plane and felt the jagged rocks crunch under my boots, before I breathed the crackling, ion-scented air, before I gazed across moss-covered plains broken only by a volcanic horizon.


I fell in love with Iceland when it was merely a finger-tip dot on a map. I fell in love with it through the words of this man, William Jon Holm, poet and essayist. Sadly, I have just learned that Mr. Holm is no longer with us. But his words and his life remind me of why I'm here doing this thing I do. Because if there is the slightest chance--the slightest chance--that my life will be as rich as his, well... it will be a life worth living.


I will leave you, then, with an excerpt from one of his poems, of which, unfortunately, I have only this snippet copied out of a book I borrowed years ago. I came across the notepaper I had scribbled it down on and it reminded me that I had wanted a copy of that book for myself. Another book for my wishlist, and another destiny for my dreams.




Excerpt from "The Icelandic Language"


In an air conditioned room you cannot understand the grammar of this language,


The whirring machine drowns out the soft vowels,


But you can hear these vowels in the mountain wind


And in heavy seas breaking over the hull of a small boat.


Old ladies can wind their long hair in this language


And can hum, and knit, and make pancakes.


But you cannot have a cocktail party in this language,


It is so heavy you can't be polite and chatter in it.


For once you have begun a sentence, the whole course of your life is laid out before you,


Every foolish mistake is clear, every failure, every grief,


Moving around the inflections from case to case and gender to gender,


The vowels changing and darkening, the consonants softening the tongue


Til they are the sound of a gull's wings fluttering


As he flies out of the wake of a small boat drifting out to open water.


~William Jon Holm

Thought we'd be flying

Baker Baker
Baking a cake
Make me a day
Make me whole again
And I wonder
What's in a day
What's in your cake this time

I guess you heard
He's gone to LA
He says that behind my eyes I'm hiding
And he tells me I pushed him away
That my heart's been hard to find

Here
there must be something
Here
there must be something here here

Baker Baker can you explain
If truly his heart
Was made of icing
And I wonder
How mine could taste
Maybe we could change his mind

I know you're late
For your next parade
You came to make sure
That I'm not running
Well I ran from him
In all kinds of ways
Guess it was his turn this time

Time
thought I'd made friends with time
Thought we'd be flying
Maybe not this time

Baker Baker
Baking a cake
Make me a day
Make me whole again
And I wonder
If he's ok
If you see him say hi